Fighting Health Panic

Health concerns are very scary. I would argue that they’re even scarier, or at least harder to cope with, when you have panic disorder.

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Facing Anxiety-Driven Procrastination

It’s like I know what to do but I just can’t do it. It reminds me of Kylo Ren in Star Wars. tenor.gif

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New (For Me) Things I’m Trying for Anxiety

In my journey with crippling anxiety, I feel like I’ve seen it all; every tip, every trick. I refuse to mislead my readers by saying these are “new” techniques, but they are things that I haven’t taken seriously enough.

As cliche as it is, it’s 2020 and I’m sick of having this dark cloud and fear attached to me even when I’m supposed to be happy. These will hopefully become habitual for me.

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My First Day Using C25K

I’ve had the C25K app downloaded to my phone for about a week on recommendation from my mom. Just sitting there. Giving me notifications to remind me of how lazy I was being.

I found myself wanting to exercise with nothing else to do today. Wow, a miracle! So, I tapped that app (no pun intended) and got to work. The set up was intervals of 90 seconds walking and 60 seconds jogging.

HATE jogging. Surprisingly enough, those 60 seconds did not drag on like I thought they would. Maybe it was because they were smashed between walking, which I like, kind of like a Premack Principle exercise.

However, it’s still so hot here, and running in 90 degrees failed the vibe check. I’m also out of shape, so it didn’t end up well.

I’m so happy that I started to run. I’m so proud of myself that I got halfway done with my first exercise day on the app. One day soon, maybe tomorrow, I’ll finish the first day. One day soon, I’ll finish all of them!

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom

Chemical Burn in My Eye

The latest fun in my life has been getting a chemical burn in my right eye.

I used a 3% hydrogen peroxide solution for my contacts (soaked overnight in my flat case) and in the morning, like normal solution, I dropped some more in the contact and put it in my eye.

WOW–that may be the most pain I’ve ever been in.

My eye immediately shut, burning. I pried open my eye and grabbed the contact. I have no clue where it went; my breath was taken away because of the pain. With blurry vision, I reached for a towel and held it over my poor eye. I tried to scream for my friend to come “save me” but I couldn’t speak.

I wasn’t sure what to do, and I couldn’t see because I was contact and glasses-less. So, I made it back to my dorm and got my glasses and went about my life, albeit in pain.

My first class was torture! It was too bright for my sensitive eye and I was anxious about the damage done to my eye. During the class I decided enough was enough and I e-mailed my next professor and my therapist, telling them I could not come to class because of what happened. After class, I called my eye doctor (who is 2 hours away) and they told me I need to come in as soon as possible to be seen. I had driven 10 hours this past weekend and I really didn’t want to drive 4 more hours in pain to get seen. I found a local eye doctor and they fit me in and took care of me.

Now I have eye drops, steroids, and roll-up sunglasses to put under my glasses. I cannot wear contacts, and my hurt eye is super dilated. BUT– I’m fine. I’m going to be seen again in a day to see how it’s coming along and if I can wear contacts again.

Right now, I’m just uncomfortable and sensitive to light. I have to get blood work done today so I’m probably just going to be grumpy.

For anybody reading this–stay away from any contact solution with hydrogen peroxide in it. It’s dangerous and hurts. 

Photo by Skitterphoto

I’m a Size WHAT?

Over the past year and a half, I’ve gone through a significant bra size change that would’ve rocked 13-year-old me’s world.

Personally, this dilemma started for me when I was a 32C. My bras started getting very tight and my immediate thought was, “Oh it must be because I’m gaining weight. Maybe I’m just a 34 sized band.” So I went to a 34C. For a while that was okay, but once again, they got too tight.

It didn’t even cross my mind at first that I was a D. In my head, D cups were the baseline of huge, pornstar boobs. I had it in my head what I thought D-cups were supposed to look like and decided that there’s no way that could be me. I thought, “I’ve always had small boobs, everyone has told me that, so how the hell could be a D?”

Finally, I broke down after I got tired of red marks and repositioning my bra 50 times a day and went to Victoria’s Secret. (Not an ad.) I tried on a 32D “just to see” and I was shocked when it fit me like a glove.

That was great for a while, but I’m older now and it’s changed again. Recently, my bras started to hurt whenever I would wear them. I’m lucky I’m in college because I can get away with not wearing a bra (#FreeTheNipple), but sadly, sometimes I must wear one. For example at advisor meetings, professor meetings, presentations, a nice dinner, etc. I feel more comfortable wearing a bra than not.

Today I went to go get sized because I couldn’t tell what was wrong. I tried a 34C; way too tight. My 32D’s were way too tight. Walking in the store, I assumed my band size was just wrong, but I’m really glad I got sized because now I really understand what goes into a perfect fit.

Turns out I’m a 32DD. I would never have thought the day would come. And I thought D’s were pornstar boobs. I still don’t have what I picture as DDs, which I guess have to be FFF’s in real life, but I’m so much more comfortable now. And now I don’t have to go meet with my professors in a baggy t-shirt with no bra on.

Most women are wearing the wrong bra size. Do a quick search if you don’t believe me. Also, you’re supposed to get a new bra after ~6 months because of the wear and stretching.

Take-Home Message

The best, most summarizing piece of advice I have is to forget all of your preconceived notions about bra sizes. What you think a “D” is might be an “E”. What you think a “36” is might be a “32”. If you’re trying to find the perfect size for you, you need to let go of what you think you need to be. 

Photo by fsHH

Crying and Crystals

I’ve always been interested in crystals and stones because, well, they’re beautiful and I’m a geology nut, but also because of their natural healing properties for living things. If you haven’t read it yet, I recently had my first selenite wand experience and WOW. I couldn’t have made it up if I tried.

So under the advice and guidance of my local wizard (lol no just a healer) I’ve been healing with chakra stones and some others.

Here’s my arsenal:

Chakras: 

  • Root – Red Jasper
  • Sacral – Carnelian
  • Solar Plexus – Citrine
  • Heart – Adventurine
  • Throat – Sodalite
  • Third Eye – Amethyst
  • Crown – Clear Quartz

Others: 

  • Tree Agate
  • Black Tourmaline
  • Angelite
  • Selenite

Something “weird” that happens to me when I use my crystals for healing (rather than just holding on to them) is that I cry. Not sad tears, not angry tears, but happy, relieved tears. I called my guy and he said it’s totally normal, it’s just the kind of person I am. (I believe he was referring to me being highly sensitive but I’m not sure). Tears just come out, unforced, which is weird for me, and my spirit is lifted and happy. I rarely ever describe myself as happy or cry, which now that I think about it seems a little contradicting. It’s almost addicting to feel this good. I’m glad it’s stones and crystals rather than meth lol.

There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that we are connected to the earth, so of course we are connected to crystals and stones. Shit, did you know ice is a mineral? Geologists argue about it, but it has all 5 of the characteristics that make up a mineral. And what are we made of? WATER. Like, come on. I don’t see how some people refuse to connect the dots and take the information laid out in front of them.

Giada

My First Selenite Wand Experience

“Holy shit,” I mumbled as my body started to tingle. When the shop owner was detecting my negative energy on his own I was fine, but when I took the selenite wand into my own hands I immediately felt it sucking the badness out of me; my left hand and right shoulder to be exact.

My legs started to give in and blood felt like it was rushing to my head. I became hyper-aware of how my body was feeling and all I could say was, “I’m going to pass out. I’m going to pass out.” All because I was holding a selenite wand in my hands.

“Just hang on a little longer,” The shopkeeper, Paul, said to me. Eyes wide, I obviously wanted to shove it back into his hands, but I was frozen in an equal mixture of terror and amazement. I didn’t expect this to happen; not because I don’t believe in “this stuff” but because I know some practices are questionable. I wasn’t sure what I expected, but that was not it.

After the cleansing was over and I settled down a little, my recent behaviours started to make more sense to me. When I was in the shop holding the stones that I wanted, all of a sudden I started to get a panic attack (which isn’t rare for me) and I wanted to flee the store. I’m convinced that the negative energy sensed what was coming for it and tried to get me, and therefore it, out of “harms” way.

When running the wand over me, he stopped at my left palm.

“Is that a real tattoo?” He asked in regards to my faded “A”.

“Yeah, I have 3.” Which I’m now realizing isn’t even true, I have 4.

He keeps going along my wingspan, passing my bee tattoo, and stops at my third, my poodle.

“There’s some right here, too.” Paul said, wand hovering.

“My poodle?” I joked, frowning.

“No, no,” He started, “It’s not the tattoo itself, the symbol, or the meaning. For some reason, bad energy just likes to go to them.”

He also detected my stomach problems with the wand, which I had never mentioned.

That’s when he passed the wand on to me. I had watched the woman before me hold it and nothing happened to her. She was free of negative energy. After me my father held it and he too was free of negative energy. They’re very rare– 1/1,000.

I also learned that while empaths and sensitives are very similar, they are not the same.

At the end of my trip I got a sage mist, chakra stones (red jasper, sodalite, aventurine, carnelian, citrine, tree agate, and crystal quartz.), labradorite, selenite, angelite, amethyst, and black tourmaline. Paul cleansed my stones for me with selenite and my hand started shaking because of the stones vibrations.

This was one of the most unexplainable, spiritual things that have ever happened to me. I know it’s going to sound like reaching to most people, but I’m serious. None of this is fabricated– it’s my real life experience that happened to me about an hour ago.

And get this– Paul is a friggin engineer. Out of all of the people that could be into this, an ENGINEER. I love it.


Photo is from Poshmark

Can I Clean My Beauty Blender in the Microwave?

So there’s this trend going around where beauty gurus are putting their makeup sponges in a cup of soapy water and microwaving it for 1 minute to clean it. I’m here to put my beloved beauty blender on the line to prove if this works or not with a science experiment.

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Valentine’s Day Line

It’s no secret that Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday. And yes–I think I like it even more than Christmas presents! In the spirit of my favorite holiday I opened a new line on Natural Essentials with 2 special products. 


  1. Aphrodisiac Blend ($6, 1 mL) 

    • Definition: “an aphrodisiac food, drug, potion, or other agent that arouses sexual desire.” So I guess this falls under [love] potion? Spooky. 
    • Diffuse this at sexy time so you and your partner associate the aphrodisiac scents with getting it on. It’s simple science and psychology. 
    • Fun Fact: Cleopatra used essential oils as aphrodisiacs 
  2. Rose Essential Oil ($18, 1 mL) 

    • This oil is so friggin’ expensive! *rolls eyes* What better way to celebrate V-Day than smelling like roses? Rose essential oil is also good for correcting blemishes and mood lifting, so it’s not just for Love Day. 
    • Keep a look out for discounts on my blog posts if $18 is just too steep for you.