Health concerns are very scary. I would argue that they’re even scarier, or at least harder to cope with, when you have panic disorder.Continue reading “Fighting Health Panic”
It’s like I know what to do but I just can’t do it. It reminds me of Kylo Ren in Star Wars.
In my journey with crippling anxiety, I feel like I’ve seen it all; every tip, every trick. I refuse to mislead my readers by saying these are “new” techniques, but they are things that I haven’t taken seriously enough.
As cliche as it is, it’s 2020 and I’m sick of having this dark cloud and fear attached to me even when I’m supposed to be happy. These will hopefully become habitual for me.
I’ve always been interested in crystals and stones because, well, they’re beautiful and I’m a geology nut, but also because of their natural healing properties for living things. If you haven’t read it yet, I recently had my first selenite wand experience and WOW. I couldn’t have made it up if I tried.
So under the advice and guidance of my local wizard (lol no just a healer) I’ve been healing with chakra stones and some others.
Here’s my arsenal:
- Root – Red Jasper
- Sacral – Carnelian
- Solar Plexus – Citrine
- Heart – Adventurine
- Throat – Sodalite
- Third Eye – Amethyst
- Crown – Clear Quartz
- Tree Agate
- Black Tourmaline
Something “weird” that happens to me when I use my crystals for healing (rather than just holding on to them) is that I cry. Not sad tears, not angry tears, but happy, relieved tears. I called my guy and he said it’s totally normal, it’s just the kind of person I am. (I believe he was referring to me being highly sensitive but I’m not sure). Tears just come out, unforced, which is weird for me, and my spirit is lifted and happy. I rarely ever describe myself as happy or cry, which now that I think about it seems a little contradicting. It’s almost addicting to feel this good. I’m glad it’s stones and crystals rather than meth lol.
There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind that we are connected to the earth, so of course we are connected to crystals and stones. Shit, did you know ice is a mineral? Geologists argue about it, but it has all 5 of the characteristics that make up a mineral. And what are we made of? WATER. Like, come on. I don’t see how some people refuse to connect the dots and take the information laid out in front of them.
Background info: I went to a concert in Dallas The headliner was Iann Dior, but Bernard Jabs and poorstacy played as well. I knew Bernard because him and Iann have a song, “Molly”, together and that was the first song I heard that got me listening to Iann more. However, I think I had heard of poorstacy but never listened to him. His set rocked my fucking world.
Part 2 background info: I hate crowds, I hate feeling unsafe, I hate not knowing where I am or who I’m around, and I hate being sweaty. Trolls: “Oh my God, then don’t go to concerts, idiot!” Shut up, troll, I love music.
Onto the story. First of all, poorstacy is the best performer I’ve ever seen hands down, and I’ve been to a lot of concerts. I wasn’t super stoked to see him at first, because I didn’t really know who he was, but I was utterly and pleasantly surprised. His music spoke to me on such a deep level that before this concert, only Linkin Park had reached. poorstacy reached the same level in one night as a band I’ve been listening to since birth and consistently have listened to in times of distress to desperately relate to someone. One night.
Something I’ve always struggled with as an INFJ is feeling like I belong anywhere and feeling like anybody in this world understands me. Until that night, I guess I only felt like Mike Shinoda and Chester Bennington did. Sadly, Mike would never notice me because he’s a star and Chester is… RIP. However, poorstacy literally spoke to us and was saying the most prophetic, loving shit—things that usually only I say or think—and was constantly trying to get closer to the fans even though his “guards” or bosses would tell him otherwise. He would stand amongst us, speak to us, tell us to really listen to the music. He didn’t put himself above us, he used his platform to ignite change in us.
His lyrics and passion hit me so hard I can’t even describe it. For those who know, I have panic disorder. So while I already hate crowds, feeling unsafe, and not knowing where I am or who I’m around, all of that is multiplied by a million because anything can set me off into having a panic attack. (Especially being hot and sweaty. Apparently since it’s a symptom of a panic attack, it can make you have one. Like, fuck me, right?) Keeping all of this in mind—I closed my eyes and just listened to the music. I was so… enveloped by my senses. No, I wasn’t on any drugs. It was literally the music. Only the music. It was crazy. I felt calm for once. Just listening to the music, hanging on every word, swaying.
At the end of the whole concert, I felt light as air. I wasn’t worried about a fucking thing. The night before the concert I was bawling my eyes out about starting my senior year in college and my panic attacks, but after the concert I didn’t give a FUCK about that. I could take on anything. School? Sure. Panic? Where? I was literally spinning with my arms out at one point, just smiling like I was in a tampon commercial.
Is this where the phrase “high on life” comes from? I mean, at risk of sounding like a meme…
My takeaway from that was that there are real people out there like me that understand me. I’m not alone. Also, the best weapon against panic attacks are endorphins? I need to find things that are actually fun and fulfilling to me. Sure, going out and shopping is fun, but it doesn’t fulfill me. I’m going to stop filling my life with empty happiness and start filling it with bliss.
Everybody gets angry, but then there are people who get angry all the time; sometimes for no reason. I used to be one of those people, but I am on the road to stabilizing my moods! There are some regulation tricks I do to be calm and avoid shit that make me mad.
This is a repost of my Odyssey article, which you can see here! (Please look because I get paid based on views, lol)
Something I learned: People are not who they seem to be- especially when you are a scared, little freshman.
This year I got pushed around and trampled all over by people who I thought were my friends. My biggest mistake was trusting people who I barely knew just because I was in a new environment and wanted to fit in.
At the beginning of the year the girls on my floor hosted “girls’ nights” and we all gathered around and did what girls do best- gossiped. We all gossiped about ourselves, because we had nothing to say about the people we didn’t know yet. Gossiping about yourself is so much worse than gossiping about other people. Girls Night turned into “never have I ever” and “tell me your life story”. The next day it was, “She’s a slut,” and, “Wow, I hate her,” and the cliques were formed; all because of things that we confessed to people whojust wanted gossip.
I got caught up in fake, dramatic people’s trouble all year and let it run my life instead of focusing on what I was really in college for- academics.
Something I learned: You do not have to settle for people you don’t want to be friends with just to have someone to hang out with.
How to Spot These People in Conversations (and what to say back)
1. They straight off the bat ask your opinion about people.
You know- “Heyyyy… So what do you think about Shelia? She’s kind of mean, huh?”
Say, “I don’t know her that well, so I don’t have an opinion on her.” If you say anything even remotelynegative, they will tell people.
2. They talk about people who you thought were their friends.
“You will not believe what -enter “best friend”‘s name- did last night.”
Most likely that best friend didn’t want anybody to know. So, what you say is, “I don’t think that is any of my business, and ‘m sure she wouldn’t want other people to know either.”
3. They’re always “here for you”- but only when you’re upset.
*Pats your back* “Oh, honey, it’s okay, I’m here for you.” *Posts dirt on Twitter to start more drama*.
Do not give them the details, and kindly tell them that you will be okay and just need some alone time.
4. They randomly get mad at you and make a big deal out of it.
For example, you think everything is fine and dandy until they randomly block you on everything and say passive aggressive things about you. This one happened to me a lot this year.
With this one you have options based on what you seem fit. What I usually do is talk to them directly about it so there is no telephone game style confusion. Plus, by asking other people what her problem is, drama spreads more.
5. Also, I have noticed that these types of people in college do not really care about academics, and are more focused on their friend group.
How to Protect Yourself in These Situations:
1. Do not talk about your personal life to people who are really still strangers (less than 3-4 months of friendship)
2. Make it seem like you’re always doing fine; don’t talk about the problems you’re having.
3. Try to distance yourself socially and mentally from people you do not know or like (Side note: by all means, be social, but not with people who display the character traits listed above)
4. Do not feed into drama. This means: don’t respond to salty Twitter posts, turn the other cheek, don’t talk about anyone in any way, and focus on yourself.
My boyfriend says something sad (but true) about me and the people I befriend; I have a “2 month rule”. After 2 months I get rid of my new friends or we have a big fight and end up hating each other. Honestly, it’s true. My problem is that I trust these random people and hope that their heart is as good as mine- which rarely happens. In the rare circumstance that I find one of these people, we are friends for longer than 2 months. My best friends and I have been friends all freshman year, because we did not immediately trust one another and talk about each other behind our backs. Find people that you truly get along with and like, and make them your friends. I wish I had been friendless for a few months rather than having 8 different close friends in a few months.
Take home message: Do not divulge your personal life into people you just met. Wait until you have been friends with them at least for more than two months. You don’t need to make your life harder with unnecessary drama.
I work 17 hours a week and go to college for 15 credit hours this semester. I also have to do hours of homework, food shopping, sleep, clean, and make time for my friends and boyfriend. I’m a very busy young lady.
The concept of relaxing never really hit me until very recently. I don’t like to relax. I don’t want to relax. I could be doing “better things with my time- more productive things…” But honey, taking care of you and your mental/emotional/physical well-being is productive. You must take care of yourself before anything else. And once I start relaxing, I feel way better.
With my newfound desire for relaxation, I decided to share a list of how I relax with you all.
How Jaedyn Relaxes
- I’ll get lost in a book
- I take a warm bath with bubbles and Epsom salts
- I have a girls night where we order pizza and watch a movie
- If I really need it, I’ll take a nap between classes
- I say “no” to things that A. Will overwhelm me B. Make my schedule way to packed C. Don’t pertain to me
- I make time for yoga to focus on mindful breathing. It really helps during the day when you get overwhelmed.
- Talk a walk for pleasure not with an objective in mind (i.e. walking to the dining hall to get lunch doesn’t count)
- Sometimes I’ll literally just sit down, close my eyes, and practice the mindful breathing mentioned before
- If there’s an app I really like, I’ll play it when I’m stressed and need to get my mind off my something. I’m currently playing Neko Atsume (Kitty Collector)
- I will hug/ cuddle someone. I saw my good friend Amanda one day and walked up to her and hugged her. I’ll cuddle my boyfriend all the time. You know why? Because it’s sooooo cathardic.
- Sometimes my siblings will rub my feet for a fee, but it’s worth it, especially if you live on a college campus and you’re constantly walking around.
- Watch Netflix or TV
Alright, those are some ways I relax! As people comment, I’ll add on to the post so it can become extremely helpful!